The Inner Child Dialogue Applied to Discovering Your Calling
You’ve done the reading. Maybe you’ve sat with the question of discovering your calling more times than you can count. And something is still a little stuck — not dramatically, just quietly, persistently.
That’s often not a knowledge problem. It’s an integration problem. You have the insight. The lived experience hasn’t caught up yet.
This is where applied practice — real, grounded, specific — tends to do what reading can’t.
The Practice: Be Do Have Sequence
A framework revealing that most people live backwards: they chase money and things hoping to BECOME happy. But true fulfillment works in reverse—you must first BE who you really are, then DO what aligns with that authenticity, which naturally leads to HAVING what you want. This isn’t positive thinki…
The reason this works for people who’ve done significant inner work is that it doesn’t ask you to think your way through anything. It creates conditions for something to shift that analysis alone can’t shift.
If you’re someone who carries ACE-related patterns — perfectionism, over-functioning, difficulty receiving, chronic vigilance — you may notice this practice brushing up against those. That’s useful information, not a sign to stop.
When This Is the Right Practice
- When pursuing goals from a place of lack or “not enough”
- For understanding why achievements don’t bring lasting happiness
- When living according to “shoulds” rather than authentic desire
- For breaking the conditional living pattern
- When self-worth is tied to external accomplishments
- For accessing inherent sufficiency rather than proving worthiness
- When oscillating between shrinking and puffing up
- For establishing authentic presence as foundation for success
The Core Principles
THE BACKWARDS SEQUENCE
What it means: Most people pursue HAVE → DO → BE (backwards)
Error: Chasing possessions hoping behavior change leads to identity change
Truth: BE → DO → HAVE is the natural flow of fulfillment
Result: Start from authentic identity; actions and outcomes follow
SUFFICIENCY AS BIRTHRIGHT
What it means: You are enough right now—not someday when you achieve X
Access: Sufficiency exists in every moment but requires presence to access
Block: Shrinking or puffing up both disconnect you from inherent worth
Recovery: Stand your ground in authentic truth
DROP THE “SHOULDS”
What it means: “Should” programming overrides authentic desire and expression
Source: Inherited from family, society, culture, fear
Effect: You perform a role instead of living a life
Liberation: Embrace what IS rather than what should be
VULNERABILITY AS ACCESS CODE
What it means: Only through vulnerability can you access your authentic sufficiency
Paradox: Vulnerability feels unsafe but is the only path to real safety
Fake modes: Shrinking (hiding) and puffing up (overcompensating) both fail
Authentic mode: Standing your ground, real, present—even when it doesn’t feel safe
Understanding the Sequences
The HAVE-DO-BE Trap (Backwards Living)
How It Works:
1. “If I HAVE enough money…”
2. “Then I’ll DO the things I want…”
3. “And I’ll BE happy/free/fulfilled”
Why It Fails:
– External acquisitions can’t create internal states
– The “enough” goalpost keeps moving
– Identity based on possessions is unstable
– You defer being yourself until conditions are met
– Conditions are never permanently met
Common Manifestations:
– “I’ll be happy when I have X salary”
– “I’ll feel successful when I have Y title”
– “I’ll be confident when I have Z body”
– Each achievement reveals another “need” beyond it
The BE-DO-HAVE Flow (Natural Sequence)
How It Works:
1. “I BE who I authentically am…”
2. “I DO what aligns with that truth…”
3. “I naturally HAVE what matches my being”
Why It Works:
– Identity is established internally first
– Actions flow from authentic source
– Outcomes match authentic expression
– No gap between self and life
– Sufficiency is starting point, not goal
The Transformation:
– BE: Accept yourself fully, embrace authentic identity NOW
– DO: Take actions aligned with who you actually are
– HAVE: Receive outcomes that match your authentic expression
The Shrinking-Puffing Oscillation
Shrinking Mode:
– Hide, disappear, minimize yourself
– “I’m not enough, so I’ll be invisible”
– Avoids rejection by avoiding visibility
– Cuts off access to sufficiency through absence
– Result: Never experience being enough because you’re not present
Puffing Up Mode:
– Overcompensate, perform, inflate
– “I’ll prove I’m enough through display”
– Seeks approval through false presentation
– Cuts off access to sufficiency through fakeness
– Result: Any validation goes to the performance, not the real you
The Middle Ground:
– Standing your ground in authentic truth
– Neither hiding nor performing
– Present, real, vulnerable
– Access to inherent sufficiency opens
– You’re built to be enough for every situation—but only when real
The BE-DO-HAVE Process
Phase 1: Recognize the Backwards Pattern
Step 1: Audit Your Current Sequence
Examine your goals and desires:
– What do you think you need to HAVE?
– What do you believe you’ll DO once you have it?
– Who do you think you’ll BE then?
– You’ve probably been living backwards
Step 2: Identify the “Should” Programming
Notice where you’re living from obligation:
– “I should want X”
– “I should be more Y”
– “A person like me should Z”
– These are inherited programs, not authentic desires
Step 3: Track Shrinking and Puffing
Throughout the week, catch yourself:
– When do you shrink, hide, minimize?
– When do you puff up, perform, overcompensate?
– What triggers each mode?
– Notice how neither feels truly sufficient
Phase 2: Establish the BE Foundation
Step 1: Accept Yourself Fully NOW
Practice radical self-acceptance:
– “I accept myself completely as I am right now”
– Not as you should be, as you ARE
– Not once you achieve X, NOW
– This is the foundation; nothing else works without it
Step 2: Identify Who You Actually Are
Beyond roles, achievements, and possessions:
– What do you genuinely enjoy?
– What would you do without external reward?
– What feels like home to your soul?
– This is the authentic identity to build from
Step 3: Practice Standing Your Ground
The middle path between shrinking and puffing:
– Neither disappear nor perform
– Stay present, real, grounded
– Physical practice: Feel feet on ground, breathe, stay
– This accesses inherent sufficiency
Phase 3: Align DO with BE
Step 1: Identify Should vs. Want
For activities in your life:
– “I should do this” → Inherited programming
– “I actually want to do this” → Authentic desire
– Start noticing the difference in your body
– Shoulds feel heavy; wants feel energizing
Step 2: Make ONE Authentic Choice
Each day, choose one thing from authentic desire:
– Not because you should
– Not for external reward
– Not to prove anything
– Simply because it aligns with who you are
Step 3: Notice the Energy Difference
Compare how you feel:
– When doing from should: Depleted, resentful, effortful
– When doing from authentic: Energized, flowing, natural
– This feedback helps distinguish BE-aligned actions
Phase 4: Allow HAVE to Follow
Step 1: Release Attachment to Outcomes
Practice trusting the sequence:
– When you BE authentically and DO from alignment…
– HAVING follows naturally
– You don’t have to force, chase, or manipulate outcomes
– Life reorganizes around authenticity
Step 2: Receive What Matches
Notice what arrives:
– Opportunities aligned with authentic self appear
– Relationships that match who you really are develop
– Resources for authentic expression become available
– This is HAVING from BE, not HAVING to BE
Step 3: Avoid the Trap of Return
When good things arrive, don’t flip the sequence:
– Don’t start thinking “now I have X, so I AM worthy”
– Keep the sequence: BE → DO → HAVE
– External outcomes confirm but don’t create your being
– Stay rooted in BE, regardless of HAVE
You’ll know it’s time for this when:
– You find yourself cycling through the same insights without them landing
– You feel clear in your head but foggy in your body
– The gap between who you know you could be and how your days feel is widening
Soul work vs survival work often shows up here — when the practices you’re doing are coming from a survival-mode mindset rather than a soul-aligned one. This practice can help you notice which mode is running.
How to Work Through It
Take this slowly. You don’t need to complete all steps in one sitting. Some people find it useful to do one section per day and let it settle before moving forward.
Work through this in small, unhurried steps. Notice what arises without pushing for resolution.
As you move through this:
– Notice what feels true in your body, not just your mind
– If something brings up grief or resistance, slow down rather than push through
– You might want to journal what arises — not to analyse it, but to give it somewhere to land
What to Expect
Understanding that the sequence BE → DO → HAVE operates opposite to how most people live transforms your approach to goals, success, and fulfillment. You stop the exhausting chase of HAVE → DO → BE—trying to acquire enough to do things that will make you feel successful. You recognize the “should” programming running your choices and begin distinguishing inherited obligation from authentic desire. You catch yourself shrinking (hiding, minimizing) or puffing up (performing, overcompensating) and practice the middle ground of standing your ground—present, real, vulnerable. From this grounded presence, you access the sufficiency that was always your birthright but hidden behind fake modes. You establish your BE foundation through radical self-acceptance and authentic identity exploration. Your DO aligns with your BE—actions flow from who you actually are rather than who you think you should be. And HAVE follows naturally—not through forcing or chasing but through life reorganizing around your authentic expression. External outcomes confirm but don’t create your worth. You feel enough BEFORE achievements, not because of them. The achievements that do come match your authentic self and satisfy in ways the old chase never could. Life stops being performance and becomes expression. The sequence is finally right-side-up.
Source: Insights-Our Skool Courses.csv – Rows 990-992
Tags: identity, authenticity, success, fulfillment, self-acceptance, vulnerability, personal-development, mindset
This isn’t a one-time fix. Living on-purpose is built through repeated, small acts of alignment — and practices like this are part of what makes that possible.
One Honest Note
If this practice brings up something that feels bigger than a technique can hold — something that touches early loss, deep grief, or long-held survival patterns — that’s important information. An article can point; it can’t accompany you. Working with a therapist or somatic practitioner who understands trauma and identity may serve you better in those moments.
You are not behind for needing that. You’re being honest about what the moment actually requires.
Discovering your calling often accelerates not when we push harder, but when we get the right support structure in place.
Continuing From Here
If this opened something up, legacy and impact is a natural next exploration — because how you show up in this practice directly shapes what you leave behind.
And if you want to work through practices like this alongside others who are also integrating, not just accumulating knowledge, the community below is worth a look.
If any of this landed — if you found yourself nodding along, or if one sentence made you stop and sit with something — there’s a space where that recognition goes deeper.
The Abundance GPS community on Skool is a free trial away. Inside, you’ll find people who’ve done the reading, the certifications, the inner work — and who are still piecing it together, just like you. David Cameron Gikandi (author of A Happy Pocket Full of Money and Creative Consultant on The Secret) guides the community through the GPS+I framework: Goal, Problem, Solutions, Integration — one month at a time.
You don’t have to have it figured out to show up.
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