Daily Practice for Shifting Your Relationship With Living On-Purpose
You’ve done the reading. Maybe you’ve sat with the question of living on-purpose more times than you can count. And something is still a little stuck — not dramatically, just quietly, persistently.
That’s often not a knowledge problem. It’s an integration problem. You have the insight. The lived experience hasn’t caught up yet.
This is where applied practice — real, grounded, specific — tends to do what reading can’t.
The Practice: Pain Vs Suffering Distinction
A framework revealing that pain and suffering are fundamentally different. Pain is the natural emotional response to difficult experiences—it’s inevitable and purposeful. Suffering only occurs when we resist accepting pain. Different societies illustrate this: some celebrate death with parties while…
The reason this works for people who’ve done significant inner work is that it doesn’t ask you to think your way through anything. It creates conditions for something to shift that analysis alone can’t shift.
If you’re someone who carries ACE-related patterns — perfectionism, over-functioning, difficulty receiving, chronic vigilance — you may notice this practice brushing up against those. That’s useful information, not a sign to stop.
When This Is the Right Practice
- When painful emotions feel unbearable
- For understanding why some people move through grief while others get stuck
- When resistance to reality creates extended distress
- For distinguishing between inevitable pain and optional suffering
- When the urge to eliminate emotions is creating more suffering
- For understanding pain as information rather than enemy
- When stuck in suffering loops despite time passing
- For shifting from resistance to acceptance
The Core Principles
PAIN IS INEVITABLE; SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL
What it means: Pain naturally arises from difficult experiences; suffering comes from resisting that pain
Pain: The natural hurt when needs aren’t met or losses occur
Suffering: The refusal to accept that pain exists, creating layers of additional distress
Implication: You can’t avoid pain, but you can choose not to suffer
SUFFERING = PAIN × RESISTANCE
What it means: The amount you suffer equals the pain multiplied by your resistance to it
Low Resistance: Pain comes, is felt, moves through, releases
High Resistance: Pain comes, is resisted, gets stuck, multiplies, becomes suffering
Formula: Same pain, different resistance, completely different experience
EMOTIONS ARE MESSENGERS, NOT ENEMIES
What it means: Painful emotions aren’t problems to solve but information to receive
Message: “There’s a subconscious belief here that needs illumination”
Gift: Pain points to exactly where growth is available
Error: Trying to eliminate pain prevents receiving its message
ACCEPTANCE TRANSFORMS PAIN
What it means: When you stop resisting pain, it transforms into understanding
Mechanism: Acceptance allows the emotion to complete its cycle
Result: Pain becomes peace, darkness becomes light
Truth: What you resist persists; what you accept transforms
Understanding Pain and Suffering
What Pain Actually Is
Natural Response:
– Pain is the appropriate response to loss, injury, or unmet needs
– It’s biological, psychological, and spiritual
– All creatures experience pain
– It serves protective and informational functions
Types of Pain:
– Physical: Body’s signal that something needs attention
– Emotional: Response to loss, rejection, disappointment, fear
– Psychological: Mental anguish from beliefs, meanings, interpretations
– Existential: Pain of meaninglessness, mortality, isolation
Purpose of Pain:
– Signals that something needs attention
– Motivates change and adaptation
– Provides information about values and needs
– Creates the contrast that allows growth
What Suffering Actually Is
The Added Layer:
– Suffering is pain PLUS resistance to pain
– It’s the “this shouldn’t be happening” added to “this hurts”
– The mental argument with reality
– The refusal to accept what is
The Multiplication Effect:
– Pain alone comes and goes
– Resistance extends and amplifies pain
– Creates additional suffering on top of original pain
– “I’m in pain” + “I shouldn’t be in pain” = suffering
Characteristics of Suffering:
– Extended duration beyond natural pain
– Mental loops about the pain
– Asking “why me?” or “this isn’t fair”
– Attempting to escape rather than move through
The Difference Illustrated
Same Situation, Different Responses:
Scenario: Death of a loved one
Response with Acceptance:
– Feel the grief (natural pain)
– Allow tears, sadness, loss
– Some cultures have parties celebrating the life
– Grief exists, mourning happens
– Over time, pain naturally subsides
– Memory remains without ongoing suffering
Response with Resistance:
– Feel the grief (natural pain)
– PLUS: “This shouldn’t have happened”
– PLUS: “I can’t accept this”
– PLUS: “Life is unfair”
– PLUS: “I shouldn’t feel this bad”
– Creates depression, sometimes suicide
– Years or decades of suffering from one event
The Variable:
– Same loss
– Same grief
– Different relationship to the pain
– Completely different outcomes
How Resistance Creates Suffering
The Resistance Mechanism:
– “This shouldn’t be happening” — arguing with reality
– “I can’t handle this” — adding fear to pain
– “Why me?” — adding victimhood to pain
– “I need to stop feeling this” — adding frustration to pain
– Each layer adds to suffering
What Resistance Does:
– Tenses the body, increasing physical pain
– Occupies the mind, preventing processing
– Extends the duration of pain
– Prevents the natural completion of emotional cycles
The Paradox:
– Resisting pain to avoid it creates more pain
– Accepting pain to move through it reduces it
– What you resist persists
– What you accept transforms
Pain as Information
Emotions as Subconscious Thoughts:
– Emotions are beliefs surfacing to be seen
– Pain indicates subconscious material needing illumination
– The pain points to exactly where to look
– Suppressing pain suppresses the message
The Gift in Pain:
– Every pain contains information
– About values: What you care about
– About beliefs: What you think is true
– About needs: What isn’t being met
– Pain becomes a guide when you listen
Transformation Through Embrace:
– Resisted pain remains stuck
– Embraced pain transforms
– Into understanding, peace, power
– The darkness becomes light through attention
The Pain vs Suffering Process
Phase 1: Recognize the Distinction in Your Experience
Step 1: Identify Current Pain
Notice what hurts:
– What difficult emotions are present?
– What loss, disappointment, or fear is here?
– What is the raw pain itself?
– Distinguish the basic emotion from stories about it
Step 2: Identify the Resistance Layer
Notice what you’re adding:
– “This shouldn’t be happening”
– “I can’t handle this”
– “Why me?”
– “I need to stop feeling this”
– These are resistance, not pain
Step 3: Calculate the Suffering
See the multiplication:
– The pain is X
– The resistance is Y
– Suffering = X × Y
– Higher resistance = more suffering
Phase 2: Accept the Pain
Step 1: Drop the Argument with Reality
Stop the “shouldn’t”:
– “This is happening” (not “shouldn’t be happening”)
– “This is here” (not “shouldn’t be here”)
– “I’m feeling this” (not “shouldn’t be feeling this”)
– Reality wins every argument; stop arguing
Step 2: Allow the Pain to Exist
Give it permission:
– “I accept this pain exists”
– “I allow myself to feel this”
– “This hurt is valid”
– Not wanting the pain, but accepting its presence
Step 3: Feel Without Fixing
Experience directly:
– Feel the pain as sensation in the body
– Don’t try to understand it or change it
– Just be with it
– Presence, not problem-solving
Phase 3: Receive the Message
Step 1: Ask What Pain Is Indicating
Get curious:
– “What belief is this pain pointing to?”
– “What subconscious thought is surfacing?”
– “What need is this revealing?”
– Pain has information to deliver
Step 2: Listen Without Judgment
Receive whatever comes:
– The pain may reveal fears, losses, beliefs
– Some of what it reveals may be uncomfortable
– Don’t shoot the messenger
– Thank the pain for the information
Step 3: Allow Understanding to Emerge
Let insight arise:
– When you fully receive pain’s message, understanding comes
– Not through thinking but through feeling-with
– Darkness transforms into light
– Pain transforms into peace
Phase 4: Complete the Cycle
Step 1: Let the Pain Move Through
Allow natural processing:
– Accepted pain has a natural cycle
– It rises, peaks, subsides
– Don’t interrupt or extend
– Let it complete
Step 2: Notice the Transformation
Track what shifts:
– Is the pain less intense?
– Is there more peace?
– Is there understanding that wasn’t there before?
– This is acceptance working
Step 3: Release the Residue
Let go completely:
– Once processed, don’t hold on
– Don’t keep reopening to check if it still hurts
– Let this pain be complete
– Make space for whatever’s next
You’ll know it’s time for this when:
– You find yourself cycling through the same insights without them landing
– You feel clear in your head but foggy in your body
– The gap between who you know you could be and how your days feel is widening
Soul work vs survival work often shows up here — when the practices you’re doing are coming from a survival-mode mindset rather than a soul-aligned one. This practice can help you notice which mode is running.
How to Work Through It
Take this slowly. You don’t need to complete all steps in one sitting. Some people find it useful to do one section per day and let it settle before moving forward.
Work through this in small, unhurried steps. Notice what arises without pushing for resolution.
As you move through this:
– Notice what feels true in your body, not just your mind
– If something brings up grief or resistance, slow down rather than push through
– You might want to journal what arises — not to analyse it, but to give it somewhere to land
What to Expect
Understanding the distinction between pain and suffering transforms your relationship with difficult emotions. You learn that pain—the natural emotional response to loss, hurt, or unmet needs—is inevitable and even purposeful. But suffering—the extended distress from resisting pain—is optional. You see how the formula works: Suffering = Pain × Resistance. Same pain, different resistance, completely different experience. You learn to recognize resistance when it arises: “This shouldn’t be happening,” “I can’t accept this,” “Why me?” You practice dropping the argument with reality, not because you approve of what happened but because arguing with what already happened only adds suffering. You allow pain to exist without trying to fix, escape, or suppress it—and discover that accepted pain has a natural cycle that completes. You receive pain’s message: what belief, fear, or need it’s pointing to. Pain becomes information rather than enemy. You track the transformation that occurs when resistance drops: the same situation, less suffering. You complete pain cycles that had been stuck for years, perhaps decades, of resistance. Life still contains pain—that’s guaranteed. But suffering becomes increasingly optional as you learn to feel without fighting. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is a choice. And choice gives you power.
Source: Insights-Our Skool Courses.csv – Rows 1422-1423
Tags: pain, suffering, acceptance, resistance, emotions, stoicism, mindfulness, healing
This isn’t a one-time fix. Living on-purpose is built through repeated, small acts of alignment — and practices like this are part of what makes that possible.
One Honest Note
If this practice brings up something that feels bigger than a technique can hold — something that touches early loss, deep grief, or long-held survival patterns — that’s important information. An article can point; it can’t accompany you. Working with a therapist or somatic practitioner who understands trauma and identity may serve you better in those moments.
You are not behind for needing that. You’re being honest about what the moment actually requires.
Discovering your calling often accelerates not when we push harder, but when we get the right support structure in place.
Continuing From Here
If this opened something up, legacy and impact is a natural next exploration — because how you show up in this practice directly shapes what you leave behind.
And if you want to work through practices like this alongside others who are also integrating, not just accumulating knowledge, the community below is worth a look.
If any of this landed — if you found yourself nodding along, or if one sentence made you stop and sit with something — there’s a space where that recognition goes deeper.
The Abundance GPS community on Skool is a free trial away. Inside, you’ll find people who’ve done the reading, the certifications, the inner work — and who are still piecing it together, just like you. David Cameron Gikandi (author of A Happy Pocket Full of Money and Creative Consultant on The Secret) guides the community through the GPS+I framework: Goal, Problem, Solutions, Integration — one month at a time.
You don’t have to have it figured out to show up.
Leave a Reply