Why Partner and Family Dynamics Triggers Me More Than It Used To
The experience of feeling more triggered in relational contexts now than in the past is usually one of two things: a sign of progress, or a sign of depletion. Distinguishing between them matters.
When Increased Triggering Is Progress
The beginning of genuine relational pattern work frequently produces increased awareness of the pattern’s activation. Things that were previously below conscious awareness — or that were managed through automatic accommodation before they reached awareness — now become conscious.
This increased awareness can feel like being more triggered. The trigger frequency hasn’t increased. The awareness of the trigger has.
If the increased triggering is accompanied by increased awareness of the pattern’s mechanism, and by occasional ability to respond differently — it’s progress.
When Increased Triggering Is Depletion
If the increased triggering is accompanied by reduced resources — more difficulty managing activation, greater reactivity, less access to the thinking mind during activation — it may be that the regulatory resources that had been managing the pattern are depleted.
This can happen through increased external stress, reduced sleep, accumulated relational load, or the demands of the work itself exceeding the resources available for the work.
Depletion-triggered increase in relational reactivity is not a sign of regression in the work. It’s a sign that resources need to be restored before the work continues at the same intensity.
The Diagnostic
More triggered with more awareness = usually progress.
More triggered with less capacity = usually depletion.
The appropriate response to each is different. Progress calls for continuing the graduated practice. Depletion calls for recovery before resuming.
The daily practice includes resource monitoring as a component of the practice.
The Abundance GPS Skool community provides support through both the progress phase and the depletion phase.
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