My “escape Kenya” plan worked out as outlined below…
(it is hilarious how well it worked out initially, followed by the subsequent financial CRASH and dark night of the soul that awaited me)…
STEP 1 – THE INITIAL DUMB IDEA: Lasted May 1997 to November 1998. I try exporting African crafts or trade information to the West online. No one finds my website. So I earn a net average of less than $80 a month for a year.
STEP 2 – THE “ACCIDENTAL” INSIGHT: Hoping to get found online, I work hard on creating a way to make web pages that come up top 10 on search engine results. I teach myself web programming. I’m desperate!
STEP 3- THE FIRST BREAKTHROUGH: I crack the code! December 1998. I create a tool that ranks pages on the top 10 of search results! Now, if people search for “african crafts”, I come out on top 10 search results. But hang on… I realise this ability to rank high is far more valuable than the African crafts! BINGO! I can smell the money! I dump the African crafts and information business and get into the ranking business.
STEP 4 – EARNING & FLYING! I call my tool SearchPositioning (later change to PositionWeaver). Initially price it at $39. Write an article on SEO (search engine optimisation), submit it to a newsletter I found. Next day, people read article, like it, click on link in author bio, come to my page, pay. I make almost $8,000 literally overnight. It is December 1998, I’m 23, making good money online, and this is unheard of in Kenya! My friends make me a local celebrity. The money starts. The very next day, I fill in an application for a visa to Australia! The next day! No jokes!
See, an old screenshot of people discussing my product back in 1999 (after I had gone to Sydney, Australia):
And then it evolved from being called SearchPositioning.com to PositionWeaver:
So… Money flowing! Troubles over! Or so I thought…
Like I said, I quickly applied for a visa to Australia, literally the day after my first big payday.
- I fly to Sydney, arriving on Christmas Eve.
- The airline lost my luggage so I had no clothes or anything, but I didn’t care! The luggage was the least of my concerns.
- I was finally here!
- December 1998. Age = 23.
- I get an apartment, try to settle in.
- I’m free!!
- Can’t believe it!! Finally in Sydney, Australia.
It’s so NICE! Everything I dreamed of, and more!
Hang on…. Oh oh… the *&^%effing visas again! Grrrrrrr!
- Only allowed to stay 3 months, or less, at a time.
- This begins my 8 years of juggling visas so I can stay.
- Often have to go back to Kenya for a while, come back, go back, come back…
- Sometimes I can stay a year or two, sometimes only a few months.
- Not educated enough on business and investments to be able to convert this one-man-show SEO “business” into something stable and serious enough to get me Permanent Residency. I simply don’t know what to do, so I struggle.
Finally, much, much later on, I do crack that code, too, and I learn how to build proper businesses based on your strengths and passions.
Meanwhile, I have no real base, no stability.
- Hopping around between Australia and Kenya and Thailand, just to juggle visas.
- Young and dumb, full of hope and not much else.
- No worries! Soldier on, kid!
- At least I finally started to master the damn visas! Somewhat.
- But all this not knowing what to do is costing me.
- I swear to myself to commit to learning what to do, so I can be free and clear once and for all.
- I sell off my SEO business (the search engines were getting too complicated for me anyways), and dedicate myself to learning what I could. Fully focused on discovering the secrets of what I was missing. Becomes my new full-time job.
- Initially, this produced a book. I didn’t intend to write a book, but all that research, when compiled, looked like a book!
- I give it a title: A Happy Pocket Full of Money, and it is about the cultivation of wealth consciousness.
- I put it online.
- Life continues…
- At some point in all this, I go broke.
- I didn’t see that coming.
- One day I had, like, maybe $40,000 in cash and debt free.
- Then a few weeks later I am broke and homeless! WTF!
- Months on a friend’s couch, wondering where I went wrong.
- Everything I try fails.
- I borrow from friend and foe, and soon my debts start hurting my relationships, too.
Then the Dark Night of the Soul begins. I feel like everything has abandoned me, even my Creator has abandoned me, my guides have abandoned me, people have abandoned me, my skills have abandoned me, my mind has abandoned me, my emotional fortitude has abandoned me, the heavens and the earth have all abandoned me. It feels that way. All sense of consolation is removed.
- One of the worst times ever in my life.
- Cannot describe.
- All my subconscious fears come to the surface.
- An assault.
- At some point, I literally and seriously wished I could die.
- Great torture from within.
Then, gradually, over the months, I stop fighting it and start to watch it, to understand it.
I also became more open to receiving spiritual guidance from within.
(By the way, opening up to receiving spiritual guidance from within yourself is one of the big keys to this whole process.)
I start to see that what I had “lost” was ephemeral stuff. Mysts, illusions.
I start to see that what always remains when all the ephemeral stuff is gone is Who I Really Am, an eternal vastness beyond measure.
And slowly I start to realise I had mis-identified myself, taken my conditioning to be my true identity.
It was this error that was being corrected.
First, I notice none of the things I fear are killing me.
I start to see the fear is a lie.
It won’t kill me… its like a hologram.
OK, not the best experience, but not as bad as I thought.
Then, I start to see things differently.
I start to somehow appreciate the dark night and what it appears to be bringing. Painful but good. OK.
Next, I notice gradually that these old fears and dramas are leaving me. The more I am open to seeing them for what they are, the faster and more effortlessly they leave me. The more I resist change and run from fear, the stronger they torment me and hang on. At least now I know what to do with them.
Freedom starts to return.
But better than before. No longer feel the urge to dodge or panic or dive into anxiety like I used to. Better.
Looking back, the three greatest gifts the dark night of the soul left me with were:
- A stronger spiritual connection
- The courage to be emotionally vulnerable (which, by the way, is extremely empowering and liberating)
- The courage to cultivate an undefeated mind (one that sees the obstacle as the way, instead of running away)
But Sir Fake was still somewhat in charge.
Not a total boss like he was before, but still somewhat influential.
In fact, Sir Fake takes credit for the healing I went through.
Of course, Sir Fake had nothing to do with it, but he walks around town acting like it was all his idea and all.
- And he continues to say to me, “Fit in! Make the madness work! Don’t screw it up, kid!”
- And it cost me dearly. Trying to “fit in”. A lot more dearly than I ever imagined while I was busy “fitting in”.
- Fit into what, you ask? Everything! Look around you. Notice anything strange? No? That’s what I mean.
- A prison so well made, that the prisoners do not even realise they are in a prison. A prison of their own making. No one to blame, really. A prison of the mind.
Let me ask you something…
What could be worse than having to be seen resorting to living your own life on your terms?
Ever had that fear, in one form or the other? The fear to be yourself?
- It ain’t the kind of fear that a lion might inspire. No.
- It is an insidious fear, silent.
- A very fast thought, usually unnoticed, that might say, “Will I be accepted better or worse if I so this or that? Will I be embarrassed /rejected/ ridiculed/ questioned/ hurt/ abandoned/ etc if I am fully myself?”
Yet I now knew, without a shred of doubt, after my dark night of the soul, that being your True Self was the key to total success and happiness in all endeavors.
Yet I was still afraid to be me, to do me. That is a very, very, very limiting condition. And I don’t mean rebelling against society, no. Rebelling doesn’t necessarily equate to being your true self. I mean fully embracing Who I Really Am, my soul essence.
Here is the thing:
- Societal conditioning is a slave-driver.
- An invisible slave-driver, too.
- It’s so subversively nasty, I’m tempted to call it a bitch-master. A consciousness street-side pimp. Making us do cheap tricks for a dollar all day long and never think of asking why. Making us do stuff that makes no sense when you think about it in hindsight. And when we are too old to make it money, it throws us in the gutter, like a smart pimp would do. Yes, a bitch-master seems appropriate terminology for societal conditioning.
- And I discovered it was impossible to serve two masters.
- I could either serve Conditioning, or I could serve my True Self.
- And Conditioning was the opposite in nature to the True Self.
- Conditioning = a collection of survival, defence and approval-getting mechanisms (ego). Weak. A shell.
- True Self = the full, multidimensional, multifaceted, infinite and eternal soul essence. It doesn’t insist or force its presence, like the ego does. But when welcomed, it is powerful and loving beyond measure.
- Choose, David. Which master will you serve? You cannot do both.
Does that make sense? Are there any parallels you can draw in your own life? I will tell you all about that next, how that worked out for me, and how you can use that for yourself…